


Indestructible Plants and Where to Find Them

by Somebodys_Hermione



Series: The Life and Times of an Ugly Purple Plant [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Comedy, F/F, INTRODUCING The Plant, but with feelings, who i may have gotten attached to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24389257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somebodys_Hermione/pseuds/Somebodys_Hermione
Summary: Beau makes it her mission to find Yasha the best potted plant that existsWritten for Beauyasha Week 2020, Prompt: Flowers
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Series: The Life and Times of an Ugly Purple Plant [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860283
Comments: 4
Kudos: 99





	Indestructible Plants and Where to Find Them

Beau liked to travel, you know it was always good to see someplace new, but  _ gods  _ they had been traveling Forever. It was hard not to get sick of it after you’ve been walking through fields that look identical for miles on end. So when they finally stopped to make camp, it was mostly out of boredom that she decided to strike up a conversation with Yasha (yep, just boredom, no other feelings involved, nothing to see here). 

And at that moment Yasha was carefully placing a small selection of white flowers into her book (and she did it so gently that it took every ounce of Beau’s willpower to not get distracted by the thought of those gentle hands brushing Beau’s hair out of her face…)

(Beau never claimed to have a lot of willpower)

Desperate for some sort of conversation, she quickly latched onto the activity at hand, trying very hard to seem cool. “Hey Yasha, do you like, you know, like potted plants and shit? I always see you with the flowers dried and pressed. Do you like them better that way?”

Yasha turned to look at her, and  _ wow _ Yasha’s eyes were stunning, but that really wasn’t the point because she was answering Beau’s question with unexpected thoughtfulness. “I’ve...never thought about it like that”, and she paused, with a contemplative look. “I also like flowers as they grow in the ground, but I can’t bring those with me when I travel. I do not think I like my pressed flowers  _ more _ , but I do greatly enjoy being able to have them wherever I go, even if it is someplace that doesn’t have very many flowers.”

“That makes sense, yeah”, but then Beau continued by saying the absolutely wrong thing, because of fucking course she had. “I don’t know, I guess I’ve just never liked cut flowers. My mom used to have vases and vases of them around the house growing up, but it always just felt like being surrounded by dead things.”

And oh  _ shit _ the look of immediate concern on Yasha’s face made Beau want to spontaneously combust then and there. 

“Do-do you think I am killing them, Beau? Should I stop?”, and Yasha’s voice sounded so small and panicked that Beau immediately began to backpedal because fuck she hadn’t meant that. 

“No- _ no _ , Yash I didn’t mean that. God, fuck, you make everything feel so alive, there’s no way anything you did would feel as lifeless as shit was in Kamordah. I mean, I bet you could carry around, like, actual fucking dead birds for fun and it would just be a fun quirk. Keep doing your flowers, definitely.” And while that was much closer to aimless word vomit than Beau would have liked, Yasha was at least smiling now, which was the important part. 

And there sounded like actual mirth in the barbarian’s voice when she replied, “Well, I don’t have any plans to collect birds, but it would be nice to bring a living plant with us. It would almost be like another companion wouldn’t it? But, unfortunately, I don’t think we would be able to keep a plant alive with our lifestyle.”

And at that specific moment in time, Beau set herself a quest: to find the most beautiful, unkillable, adventure-proof flower known to the universe, and to be the one to give it to Yasha. 

***

It took her longer than she would have liked to actually get started on the quest because it took them several weeks to get anywhere close to civilization. But after 2 false starts, the ever-present war and a small detour to fight some bandits, they’d finally made it back to Zadash, and Beau barely gave herself time to drop off her stuff in the inn room before making a beeline to the market district. 

However, she quickly remembered that she knew very little about plants. It’s not like that had ever been her thing, even when she was forced to read books all day, and the plants they tend to teach you about in monk school aren’t exactly the pretty flowers (unless the pretty flowers also have like, healing shit, but that wasn’t the kind of thing you tended to find at markets). 

There were several flower carts scattered haphazardly across the square, spilling beautiful blossoms everywhere. There were even a few that had some in pots, but something told Beau that that wasn’t where she was gonna find the indestructible type plant she was looking for. But slowly weaving into the smaller side streets, was a small (barely noticeable, honestly) very grimy shop tucked in between two other stores. The beaten-up sign above the door said, “Nivea’s Botanical Curiosities”. Perfect. 

Walking into the shop, Beau was immediately hit with the strong smell of wet dirt and plant life, which made sense because there was a huge assortment of all kinds of foliage, packed so tightly together on the shelves, they appeared to actually be growing from the wall. 

The sound of the door closing seemed to very much startle the small halfling (Nivea, Beau assumed) who had been gently whispering to a small plant, given that they jumped a good 3 feet off of the floor. 

Huge, watery eyes, exacerbated by gigantic glasses looked up at Beau from where the woman had fallen rather gracelessly on the floor. “Can I help you, dear?”

“Uh, yeah, I was uh...I was wondering if you sold any plants that were kind of unkillable and shit.” Fuck, she should have thought through what she was asking for before waltzing into this store. 

And of course, she was quickly rewarded with a look that very clearly conveyed she had asked a very stupid question. “All living plants are killable dearie, that’s kind of the point. If you want something that won’t die, get one made of fabric.”

“No, I mean, I get that, I was just wondering if you had anything that was any  _ less  _ likely to be killed than anything else, you know?” The halfling just continued staring, forcing Beau to continue. “So one of my friends right? She loves flowers like really loves them, and so I thought I’d get her something, ‘cause I know she’d fucking love it, but our lives aren’t super great for plants you know? But I still wanted to try to see if I could find something that might work.”

“Oh, you’re looking for this mystery plant for your... _ friend _ ?” and the knowing look made Beau squirm. But the shopkeep simply nodded sagely. “I think I know what you’re looking for sweetheart” and she began rummaging through a cabinet that seemed to be made of a living tree (it had actual goddamn leaves and seemed to be  _ breathing _ , Beau noted, more than a little weirded out). 

After several minutes and a string of halfing expletives the woman probably didn’t think Beau understood, a plant was produced. 

At least, Beau was pretty sure it was a plant. It was weirdly lumpy and seemed to take up the entire pot it was resting in. It was a sickly green color, with way too many vines and not enough leaves, but it did have an absurdly huge purple flower on it that quite honestly made up for everything else. 

Well, Beau thought it made up for everything else, but she was rapidly remembering that Yasha was the flower person,  _ not _ her, and she really had no idea what actually constituted an acceptable plant. So she was just going to have to take the word of this legitimately weird shop owner, but lucky for Beau the woman was delivering a small monologue about the pot. 

“You want something that’ll stay alive? This is what you’re looking for. Got the first sample from the mountains of Tal'Dorei, in one of the most hostile environments you can find life. This plant can survive a burning hot desert, a frozen tundra, or anything in between. Your girlie couldn’t kill if she tried. Believe me, my wife has  _ tried,  _ she’s killed an impressive amount of plants in her life, but 3 years and our bugger is still going. I’ll even throw in some warding spells for extra charge if you think you’re going to be getting into anything particularly outrageous.”

“Oh fuck, that sounds perfect”, because it really did sound perfect, and fuck it, its not like Beau would know if this woman was just completely bullshitting her, so why not take the thing that promised to be the answer to all of her problems. “How much?”

An appraising stare. “200 gold.”

“You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“It’s rare, sweetie, what do you want me to do?”. Nivea shrugged and began to put the plant back in the cabinet. 

“Ugh, fine.” Beau began to rummage for some coin in her pouch, but not before emitting what she hoped was a truly obnoxious sigh. Pausing before placing the gold on the counter, Beau fixed the clerk with a piercing gaze, trying to ascertain anything she could. Unfortunately those glasses covered up a lot. “You better not be lying about this plant.”

The look she got in response was  _ withering _ . “I don’t lie about plants, dear. Who do you think I am, some hobbyist? This is my life’s work and I take pride in it. Just don’t do anything stupid and the plant will be fine.”

This response was good enough for Beau, and she walked out of the door the proud owner of a certified indestructible plant. 

***

She should’ve known they’d immediately do something stupid. 

Actually, Beau supposed to Mighty Nein deserved credit for just how long they had avoided doing something stupid. 

After she had gotten the plant, she’d decided she wanted to try and keep it a surprise. That lasted almost exactly 23 minutes. But, oh gods, the way Yasha’s eyes had lit up when Beau had given the pot to her? Beau was gonna be living on that high for a fucking  _ month _ . 

Yasha even rigged up a small pocket in her travel pack so that the pot could travel just above her shoulder blades as she walked. (Yasha had told Beau that it was important for the plant to have a good view of what was going on, which was kind of a bonkers thing to say, but because it was Yasha, Beau just found it endearing) (Fuck, Beau hoped that wasn’t what falling in love meant). Yasha had even named that plant, but it was in celestial, so no one knew what it meant. (Beau looked it up in the Soul library, and discovered it translated roughly to “purple plant”, which was quite frankly adorable) (Shit, yeah she had it bad). 

And for the first couple of weeks, the plant held up really well. As long as it remained securely tied in Yasha’s pack, it seemed unphased by fighting, cold weather, and once, accidentally being hit with a Sacred Flame. But then Yasha almost died, and well....there was really only so much you could expect. 

They were fighting weird little bug fuckers that had huge pincers and could also spray acid for some reason? (Beau thought that was overkill). And when, like, eight of them went after Yasha, it didn’t take very long for the barbarian to go down. 

When the fight was over (which had mostly consisted of Beau swatting at the bugs on Yasha and cursing loudly) and Jester was healing the acid burns on Yasha’s forearms, the barbarian suddenly seemed gripped by intense concern. “Where-where is...Beauregard! Where is the plant?”

Oh  _ shit _ . Beau immediately ran over and began rummaging in the forest floor and oh. Oh no. 

The pot had been shattered by the impact, and acid was slowly eating away at patches of the flower. All Beau could think about was how badly she had failed, how she had  _ promised  _ Yasha this plant was gonna last and it hadn’t, but the sound of Yasha’s ragged breathing forced her to look up. 

“I’m...I’m  _ so  _ sorry Beau. I killed the plant you gave me” and her eyes were slowly filling with tears. 

Beau wasn’t gonna let Yasha fucking  _ cry _ . “Hey, no worries Yash’, it’s fine. And hey, this fucker isn’t dead yet.” After a brief moment, Beau turned to Jester. “Hey, Jes, could you-”

The tiefling didn’t even let her finish. “I’m not healing a plant, Beau”

“Right.” Beau figured as much. She wasn’t even sure if healing magic worked on plants but hey, it had been worth a shot. Yasha seemed to have been contemplating something similar, because she slowly reached forward and pushed a soft warm glow into the plant resting in Beau’s hands. 

It didn’t seem to fix the plant, but it did seem to stop the immediate withering caused by the acid. What was left was a plant that definitely looked like it had been through some shit, but was very much still alive. Kind of like them, Beau thought. 

Without really thinking, Beau pulled one of the ribbons wrapped in her hair and used it to cover up to roots, before handing it back to Yasha. “I’m pretty sure it’ll take a little more to kill us.”

Yasha smiled, before becoming very serious and saying to the plant, “Welcome to the Mighty Nein,  _ purple plant _ .”

**Author's Note:**

> this plant will be back if i have anything to say about it  
> Special thanks to TheWisdomQueen for reading this like a month ago and patiently waiting  
> you can find me on tumblr @somebodyshermione if you'd like


End file.
